poetry, trails of thought

Vulner[ability]

If vulnerability is no disability, and does not equal

weakness,

why should disability equal disability?  Why can’t it

equally

equal a strength?

And what if someone had the mental ability to turn

off and on at the flick of a

switch (this I think I’ve mentioned previously, but

it bears mentioning again) a particular disability

which allowed for hugely important results

without the downsides of hugely negative

lives?

 

Let me take my case in particular point:

in creating in my mind the conditions for a

flat hierarchy of

data,

I keep in constant stasis the possible and

potential connections that exist.

This is a necessary condition of being human:

all of us do it;

all of us think like this;

all of us can think like this, if we learn to …

 

But in my case it led to mental breakdown,

from which I recovered via medication and

simple time: the time one needs to

heal one’s wounds;

the time one needs to

wheel around;

the time one needs to

re-

turn to prior ways;

the time one needs for time

to have

the time it needs to be as properly as it must.

 

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So in my particular case my ability to turn off

all filter led me to see the landscape as one

huge connected device: not the web, this time,

but the world in 3D – way before 3D virtual reality

ever existed.

 

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So this is a powerful ability: not a disability at all:

except where it makes it impossible to live

my life: except where it makes it inviable to love

my people: except where this thinking stops

its blessed ability to switch off in time.

 

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And so given this ability I think I have quite weirdly,

to see connections, to justify their relationship with

a convincing logic –

whether real or not; whether happened or untrue;

whether something or not which we can compare

and contrast

with each other in affection –

and then disconnect manually the

brain that whirrs behind the connecting and making

of potential links amongst ideas few people

would see connected (without, I am saying, some

much clearer and cogent background information),

so that the person behind all this connecting and

making can separately enjoy a separately fulfilling

and loving

[w-

{l-

ife]},

means that certain implications for

certain mental illness may actually be rather

astonishing and profound.

 

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For I wonder if it’s really possible to suggest

that at the flick of a [brain] switch, the conditions

which make a disability wondrous can be disconnected

with sufficient margin to ensure it doesn’t become

harmful …

 

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