Where I have been cheated (foul),
I shall cheat (foul) back in equal degree.
Where I have been stung (yellow),
I shall sting (yellow) back in equal degree.
Where I have been hung (out to dry),
I shall hang (out to dry) back in equal degree.
And where I have been wronged (in imagined lullaby),
I shall wrong (in imagined lullaby) back to such terrible degree that
no wrong there has ever been will compare
to the wrong I choose now to (both) see and rightly engineer.
And whether you expect this of me,
and whether this is what you desire of me
I care little any more to doubleguess your stress-pointing –
your goddamn atavar-creating.
For you have anointed a cruelty beyond all biblical measure.
And none of that which I imagined you to be
is left to treasure … in any way whatsoever.
And where I have been wronged, and where
my mind has been slow to sow its truth,
and where you have seeded so much hurt,
and where I have interpreted your actions all along
as those of the good, never the awful terrible sad,
now my patience is utterly consumed,
and my desire for vengeance begins to assume –
even where every human being knows how vengeance
consumes far more its actor than ever its acted upon –
how the future must run.
These moments past have prepared me only for a life of pain:
so let it be my turn no longer to be inflicted upon.
And where I have been wronged, I shall never desist
until I discover and reveal for all to see the reason why.
And I shall try, in every sense I can touch and smell and taste,
as my final tranche of a life so dreadfully damaged,
to hurt those people who have so claimed to help me …
… when, in truth, they only ever were out to help themselves.