He’d learnt about love so much the past few months. He’d realised the love he’d practised in the previous years had not been the kind of love he should’ve understood.
And although it was painful, and although he was sad, he knew in the future – if love ever came his way again (he meant that a person he loved should also love him: freely, with liberty, without feeling imposed upon, without feeling obliged or made fast or tied down) – he’d be far better placed to be the kind of lover who made the life of his other much better than ever.
He still loved with all his heart the lover who’d parted his soul; who’d changed his life in ways he could never begin to explain. But whilst he would always wait and whilst he would always be ready and whilst he could never forget and whilst he never wanted to forget and whilst he would now be able to do anything at all and whilst now he was prepared to run and jump and sing, and touch and caress and press and gasp and neck and offer up his soul and offer up his heart and offer up his body and offer up his life and his whole and his being and even his sense of bloody right and wrong, his understanding of love – the freedom and liberty and openness and gentleness and kindness and comprehension and comprehensive opening up to the needs and desires and wants of another – meant he could never any more consider that love was a matter of placing the other under the duress of an emotional pressure, born of a brutal ignorance – even when widely and casually shared – of the real place for humanity’s rights …
For love was not a question of making another sad, in the mad pursuit of a closeness to ensure one’s own significant happiness. And freedom was everything. And that was love. And if sadness added adness to the mix that was two, then adness summed reality to the rights of them both.
And adness was the key.
And adness was the mystery.
And when you managed to understand adness, you finally understood love.
And that’s where he was.
And that’s where he’d arrived.
And never would his own need for love and self-esteem prevent him from trying to fulfil another’s need for kindness, first of all.